Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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