Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have aggressive nipples.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
