A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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