he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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