Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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