Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
