Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
