You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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