names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
