we have pet lesbian snakes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
