from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
