I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
