Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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