god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
