There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
