I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
