billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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