my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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