He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
