My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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