did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
