My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
