actually, I'm a sock model
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
