if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
