Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
