you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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