I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
