I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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