i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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