bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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