but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
