Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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