So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize