I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
