she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
