I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
