Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
