I am midnight drunk by noon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize