oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
