True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
