Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
