you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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