Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
