arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
