Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
