I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
