I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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