I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
