Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
