I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
not ubering you a puppy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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