my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
