I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
