Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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