Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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