What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
