Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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