I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
