The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
