i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
