u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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