i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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