Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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