He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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