Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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