But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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