I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
