dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
false alarm. still invincible.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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