Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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