i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
